NEWS FLASH! America’s Financial Crisis: Fortune 500 CEOs Respond

Channeling Barack Obama™ has received the following open letter to the American people:

Dear Fellow Americans:

We, the Undersigned CEOs of Companies on Fortune Magazine’s list of the 500 largest American companies, have stood quietly on the sidelines while Congress and the American people debate the solutions to the overwhelming crisis of our national economy. We understand that many citizens do not fully understand the exact nature the crisis, nor how we—each of whom makes a salary of tens of millions of dollars—screwed it up.

But That’s Just What We’ve Done. We’ve screwed it up.

And Now We Come to the American People with our hats in our hand. We need your help.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, on Our Behalf, has asked Congress to put together a plan to take away the obstacles that are shutting down the credit markets and making it impossible for businesses to continue doing business, and for citizens to buy houses or cars, or to use credit cards.

If Congress Does Not Act—and Quickly—the entire credit system of the United States will stop. What we will have is a major disaster. And so we need Congress’s help, and the resources of the United States Treasury—which money ultimately belongs to you.

To Show Our Understanding of What the American Taxpayer Faces with such a large plan, we would like to make the following accommodation, out of respect for your great sacrifice:

Effective with the Signing of the Economic Rescue Package, we, the undersigned CEOs, will voluntarily reduce our own salaries to a number that is 14 times the average pay of each company’s salaried employees.

Whole Foods, Inc., the Nation’s Largest Organic-Grocery Market, has used this salary cap for years. It has served Whole Foods well. This cap serves as an ideal guideline for how American corporate leaders should be compensated in the future.

In the Meantime, All Salary Above This Cap, until our salaries are renegotiated, we will give to the United States Treasury, to be used as will best serve America’s financial needs right now.

America Is in Crisis. We, the undersigned CEOs, appreciate the willingness of the American people to step up. The extra millions of dollars that we CEOs have at our disposal are the least we can offer, in gratitude for the generosity of the American people.

To Our Fellow American Citizens, we say:

Thank you, and God Bless America.

(Signed)

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

_________________________ _________________________

Conservatives Have Been Rushed Too Often

We Americans Have Been Rushed in the Wrong Direction Too Many Times by the current presidential administration, and the current situation looks like more of the same: a proposal which somehow protects Wall Street and its CEOs, while putting the rest of America at greater risk.

Genuine Conservative Americans have been at a loss in the current political circumstance. But the choice of feckless Republicans has not been the answer. Our sad, recent history shows this.

It Is Time to Refine Our Ideologies. With the factual evidence of the past eight years, we now know that regulation, always imperfect, is also always necessary. Laws and regulations mitigate unfettered greed and recklessness. Conservatives must find a better way.

No One Likes to Be Regulated or Taxed. But a government without controls--or without income--is a crippled government going over the falls. And a Congress which rushes always to the aid of the ship, while consistently ignoring the passengers, will eventually founder.

Fortunately for America, Congress Is Not Cowed This Time. The bipartisan cooperation currently rises to meet the high expectations of the American public. Those expectations shall not be disappointed. In times of dire crisis—when it really matters—the United States Congress comes through.

The Success of the Barack Obama Campaign to date, meanwhile, shows that the presidential candidate knows how to manage. Against formidable opponents along the way, he has demonstrated an agile ability to learn as he goes along. The Nation currently rushes toward a Niagara Falls of economic distress. At the helm, we want a clear head, undistracted by ideology, with a pragmatism that represents the finest spirit of the American people.

My Name Is Not Barack Obama, and Barack Obama does not even know about this message.


Thank You for Your Support

It's 3:00 A.M. in America

It's 3:00 A.M. and You're a Candidate for the job of President of the United States. The Red Phone Rings. Do you answer it?

Or Do You Let Your Answer Machine Take the Call, while you postpone it? After all, you're busy right now with other things. Such as a debate with a political opponent. And a financial bailout package, the result of failed anti-regulation, free-market policies, is up for negotiation in Congress. Then there's the issue of your vice-president, whose feelings have been hurt yet again by the vicious partisanship of the media.

Do You Answer the Phone? Do you take the call? Do you carry on with the debate? Do you work on the bailout with Congress? Do you calm your vice-president (or arrest all of the partisan media)?

Or Do You Turn Over and Go Back to Sleep?

It's 3:00 A.M. in America. Mr. President, what are you going to do now?