NEWS FLASH! Republican Ticket Promises Tax Rates “Less Than Zero”

[A Spurious Report Found in a WPA Picnic Shelter Somewhere in Slovakia, Idaho]

BOWLING GREEN—Alaska Governor and Republican Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin, speaking this morning at a rally in Bowling Green, Ohio, promised that, if elected, she and vice-presidential running-mate Joe the Plumber would bring “real change” to Washington in the form of income tax rates that would go below the zero-percent tax rate previously considered unbreakable.

“We Have Suffered Under the Yoke of a Democratic-Imposed Tax Burden For Too Long,” said the newly elevated presidential candidate. “It is a well-known fact among everybody but the ‘Tax-and-Spend’ Democratic members of the Democratic Party—including Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid—that the more you lower taxes, the greater the tax revenues. This is a known fact going all the way back to the days of President Ronald Reagan, who lowered tax rates, and the tax revenues continued to just flow right on in.”

“I Totally Agree Wholeheartedly,” said Joe the Plumber, whose candidacy for the vice-presidency was announced just hours ago, after Governor Palin accepted the Republican Party’s presidential nomination following the surprise withdrawal of the previous candidate, respected war hero and former prisoner of war, Arizona Senator John McCain.

“It’s Socialism to Keep Taxing People to Pay for Things That No One Wants,” continued Mr. the Plumber. “Spread the wealth by making someone else pay for your military, your Medicare, your Social Security? I don’t know anyone who needs those things in America, where if you just work hard and keep your nose down, you can scrape together a few dollars and buy someone’s small business and be making maybe a quarter of a million dollars, or even more, and then the government just tries to take it away from you, and give it to people who don’t even pay taxes.”

“The United States of America Wasn’t Built on the Backs of People Like You and Me,” added Governor Palin. “If we raise taxes during an economic crisis, that’s just what Barak Obama and Joe Biden and the Democrats want you to think.”

“It’s Crazy!” Ms. Palin Continued. “You Don’t Raise Taxes! You Lower Taxes! We’re here to create wealth! What do you think the U.S. Treasury is for, if you don’t already know? Someone’s been listening to the wrong people too long. We need more Joe the Plumber and Ed the Electrician. We don’t need someone like Barack the Tax Raiser and Biden the Money Spender!”

“If Elected,” said Vice-Presidential Candidate Joe the Plumber, “I will lower the tax rates to less than zero. If a top tax rate of 70% was good enough for the Democrats back before Reagan was President, then I don’t see what we can’t have 70% below zero for taxes. I don’t know about you, but I’ve waited all my life for government to treat me the way it’s always made me treat government.”

Former Candidate John McCain Was Not in Attendance at the day’s key Republican vote-getting event. AP wire reports indicate that Senator McCain was last seen boarding a commercial air flight to Panama City, Panama.

“I’m Coming Home, Lord, Lord,” the Senator was reported to have said. “Lord, Lord, I’m coming home.”

NEWS FLASH! Chief McCain Advisor Revealed; Labels McCain Hero "Socialist"

[A Hypothetical Report Found on a Campaign Bus Somewhere in Iowa]


DES MOINES—“John McCain and Sarah Palin Now Use Joe the Plumber as their chief economic advisor,” revealed one usually reliable source close to the Republican presidential campaign, speaking on condition of anonymity. Mr. the Plumber fills the spot previously occupied by Phil Gramm. Mr. the Plumber's resumé as economist was not immediately available for review by this reporter.

The McCain Campaign's Former Chief Economic Advisor resigned from the campaign earlier this year following political fallout from a comment that, “We have sort of become a nation of whiners.” The comment was made many weeks before the onset of the current economic crisis which compelled Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson to approach the United States Congress with his $700 billion Wall Street “rescue plan.”

“The Obama-Biden Idea About Taxing Wealthier Americans to help out middle-class Americans is not ‘patriotic’ in critical times like these,” chief economic advisor the Plumber reportedly told the McCain-Palin campaign.

“Joe the Plumber Calls This ‘Socialism,’” Alaska Governor Sarah Palin subsequently reported, quoting the newly prominent economist.

(The Original “Joe the Plumber,” Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, reportedly makes about $44,000 a year. Mr. Wurzelbacher has an income-tax lien on file with the Lucas County Court of Common Pleas in Toledo, Ohio. Mr. Wurzelbacher reportedly believes that lower-income people should pay the same taxes as the wealthy. Whether this position includes opposition to the progressive Federal Income Tax is unclear to this reporter.)

The Federal Income Tax Was Promoted by former Republican President Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt (1901-1909) as a progressive instrument, part of his efforts to create a “Square Deal” between big business and its workers.

Among Candidates in the Current Presidential Campaign, both the McCain family and the Obama family would pay higher taxes under the Obama plan, and lower taxes under the McCain plan. Neither the Biden nor Palin families would benefit from either plan, according to sources familiar with the two tax-plan proposals.

“Is it Merely Coincidence That the Modest Obama tax increase would also be paid by Senator John McCain’s family?” asked our occasionally reliable source. “Country First is harder to believe when Joe the Plumber becomes the chief economic advisor, and the result is a reduction in the candidate’s taxes.

“But Who Do the McCain-Palin Campaign want to give the big tax breaks to? People like Senator John and Cindy McCain.”

Senator McCain and Governor Palin Have Implied that Teddy Roosevelt was “Socialist” in relation to support of his progressive income tax, which Barack Obama also supports.

On Socialism, Teddy Roosevelt Himself Wrote, in his 1913 An Autobiography, “many of the men who call themselves Socialists today are in reality merely radical social reformers, with whom...good citizens can and ought to work in hearty general agreement, and whom in many practical matters of government good citizens well afford to follow.” [Italics, ChannelingBarack Obama™]

“The Issue of Economics Is Not Something I’ve Understood as well as I should,” Senator McCain recently admitted. “I’ve got Greenspan’s book.” The Senator was apparently referring to The Age of Turbulence: Adventures in a New World, by Alan Greenspan, published 2007 by the Penguin Press.

Who Played Joe the Plumber and Ed the Electrician for Suckers in the Free-Market Economy?

The Key Element Missing from Discussions of Free-Market Theory has been the relationship between the heads of free-market enterprises and the “bodies” of those enterprises. While the beneficiaries of “free-market,” “trickle-down” theory hold their talks, the American worker has been too busy at work to join in.

“Labor Is a Commodity.”

That’s the Conservative View, as Noted Columnist George F. Will talked about in his article recently cited in these pages.*

This Secret Has Been Hidden Inside Republican Politics since President Richard Nixon brought it into play back in 1972, when he labeled the labor portion of America, “the Silent Majority.” These free-market Republicans can't really afford to think about the individual workers like Joe the Plumber and Ed the Electrician and Joe Sixpack. After all, somebody has to pay for the real cost of government....


Three Messages Have Dominated the Republican Agenda for at least the past forty years:

The Implicit Conservative Message:

“Sure, you ain’t rich yet, but when you get there, do you want the Democrats and the Socialists to take all your money and spread it around to all the people that don’t even pay taxes, let alone work for a living?”

The Stated Message:

“Republicans seek to lower taxes. Republicans don’t believe in ‘Spread the Wealth.’ Always vote against those ‘Tax-and-Spend’ Democrats.”

But the Real Message Is This:

“We ‘Defer-and-Spend’ Republicans believe we can just keep pushing off the costs of government. Why should we pay for anything? We can push these costs on down the road to the next generation, and to the next generations to come. Onto Joe the Plumber, Jr., and Ed the Electrician's kids.”

No Matter What They Say, the “Defer-and-Spend” Republicans do not actually oppose taxes. They just don't want to have to pay any taxes themselves. Whether this is dishonesty or ignorance, Republicans just consider it a good idea to defer taxes and let someone else to pay.

“Pro-Americans” Would Be Furious about this Practice. If they knew about it....

But “Joe the Plumber” Is Too Busy Working. He's got bills to pay. Who’s got time to question the ability or the integrity of free-market theory and its purveyors?

And “Joe Sixpack” Probably Hasn't Heard the News Yet, that Alan Greenspan has been in “a state of shocked disbelief,” admitting that he was mistaken. About these “free-market” theories...

Meanwhile, John McCain and Sarah Palin and the Conservative Pundits continue to reinforce the Pro-American’s trust in the confident Republican rhetoric.

The Rhetoric That Even Alan Greenspan Now Says Is Wrong.....

Yep, It’s “Joe the Plumber” and His “Fellow Americans” Paying the Price. To the tune of the $700,000,000,000 Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008. It “taxes” each and every “Pro-American” citizen more than $2,000 in extra taxes apiece.

“Joe the Plumber” and “Ed the Electrician” Better Get Back to Work Soon. They’ve got some big deferred-tax bills to pay.

Meanwhile, the Noticeably Silent Fortune 500 CEOs glide gently to Earth on golden parachutes....

....Landing Once More on the Backs of George F. Will’s “commodity.” Joe Sixpack. Joe the Plumber. Ed the Electrician. The stalwart Republican voter for John McCain and Sarah Palin. Everyman, the American tax-payer.

_____________
* Previous post: Channeling Barack Obama, “It Seemed Like Sort of a Good Idea at the Time....” (Channeling Barack Obama™, 10/09/2008). Original source material: George F. Will, “The Right Minimum Wage” (The Washington Post, 01/04/2007, p. A17)

Style Over Substance: The Republican “Spread the Wealth” Plan

The Wall Street Rescue Plan Is the Republican Version of “Spread the Wealth.” The effects of the past twenty-eight years of Republican deregulation and Liberal-bashing have led to the greatest spreading of wealth in the Nation’s history. All 300,000,000 of us must “spread” our “wealth” to protect the McCain-named “greed and corruption on Wall Street.”

If “Spread the Wealth” Is Really the Republican Program, how can Senator McCain and Governor Palin get away with accusing Barack Obama? The answer is simple: it depends on John McCain’s sarcastic tone and Sarah Palin’s humorous barbs about “Joe the Plumber” and “Ed the Dairyman.” By pushing these false examples—of people who would actually gain in the wealth of Wall Street CEOs under an Obama plan—the Republican candidates exercise their own right to “Style Over Substance.”

“Style Over Substance” Is What the Republican Party Has Given Us for the Past Eight Years. Meanwhile, they have “spread the wealth” of middle-class American, to bailout the multimillionaires on Wall Street. $700,000,000,000 and counting: that’s how much taxpayer money the Republican “Spread the Wealth” plan has spread to rescue Wall Street. Where is the “trickle down” in that?

General Colin Powell Makes His Case for Barack Obama eloquently. While John McCain and Sarah Palin believe that being an Arab-American or a Muslim-American or a French-American or an American city dweller is a bad thing, Colin Powell points out the essential American point-of-view:

We Are All Americans. While Sarah Palin talks about “pro-America” parts of the country, nothing in the Barack Obama or Joe Biden record shows either leader categorically dismissing any American citizens as second-class.

“Style Over Substance”? “Second-Class Americans”? That’s the McCain-Palin approach, for which un-American positions they should be resolutely denied election to higher national office.

Style and Substance? That’s What Barack Obama Offers America throughout this long campaign and in presidential leadership to come. Now, early voting is begun in many states throughout the nation. One party in this election clearly seeks to represent all of America. We are one nation. United and indivisible.

Barack Obama and Joe Biden Ask for Your Vote. They need it now. America needs your vote now. It is time to show the “Spread the Wealth” Republicans that “Country First” means all the country. And “Hope” and “Change” represent the real American future, to end this long era that has put the failed policies of “Wall Street First” ahead of the safety and security of the greatest nation the world has ever known.


Thank You for Your Support

The Free-Ride Republicans Are No Longer a Laughing Matter:

The Republican Party and the Wrecking of the American Economy

How Are We Going to Pay for It All? Think about this:

Have You Heard John McCain Talk Even Once about how he plans to pay for things? Have you ever heard any Republican talk about how to pay for things? Even Ronald Reagan? Even George Bush?

The Republican Party Never Talks about Paying for Anything. They just “spend and spend,” and then draw on the Treasury to bail them out.

Maybe That’s Why So Many Americans Do the Same: We spend and spend, using all the credit cards the banks will send us, and all of the home-equity lines of credit that they’ll give us.

“Heck, It Works for the Republican Government! Why won’t it work for me?” That’s the Republican-voting American taxpayer.

If the Republican Free Ride Make Good Sense, How Come the Nation Is Suddenly So Broke?

“Lower taxes!” the Republicans say.

“Spend More!” they say.

“Credit Cards?” They Say. “Use ’Em If You Got ’Em. Go out and spend. If you need more cards, why, just ask. We’ll send more!”

The Republican Big-Spending Example Works with Regular Guys like Joe, the Plumber. The regular American guy can’t cover all his bills. He can’t pay his child support. He can’t pay his Red-state income taxes. He can’t put his kids in the good schools. But he would rather vote for the Republican presidential candidate than for a Democrat. Because, after all, the “Spend and Spend” Republicans won’t raise your taxes. No, they leave the dirty work to someone else.

It Is Nonsense to Spend More Than You Make. It's irresponsible. We all know that. But look at the consistent Republican message. Think about if you have ever heard any Republican candidate talk about how to pay for anything.

No Wonder America Is a Nation of Over-Spenders. A nation in debt. The Republicans and the Republican wannabes use credit cards and home-equity lines of credit—and now the U.S. Treasury—as if there is no tomorrow:

With the Republican Party in Charge, pretty soon there won’t be much of a tomorrow.

What Happens When an Entire Nation Declares Bankruptcy?

Stay Tuned to the Republican Party and we’ll get to see.....

Let’s Give a Tax Moratorium to the Republicans!

Who Do You Think Pays for Government Here in the U.S.? If you’ve ever had any doubt about the taxpayer tab, the current rescue package provides the clear answer.

But No One Really Likes to Pay Taxes. Especially during hard times like these, when many Americans can hardly afford them. National costs are up, our personal expenses are up, our investments are down, and soon we'll likely be out of work. What the heck can we do?

Luckily, the Republican Party Has an Answer Ready. And Republican presidential candidate John McCain says, “Hey! No problem!”

Here’s Something We Can All Try: On next-year’s income tax Form 1040, there will be a check box indicating that the taxpayer is a Republican. Every taxpayer who wants to can check the “Republican” box, and America really will be “the land of the free.”

How It Works:

□1: First, next to "Filing Status," check the box that says “Republican,” using a pen with black or blue ink. (No pencils, please!)

□2: Next, turn to the back of the form and fill in all of the spaces for tax credits.

□3: Then, sign and date the form and mail it to the United States Treasury.

□4: Once the U.S. Treasury receives all of the Republican 1040 forms paying no taxes and claiming all the tax credits, the Treasury will send the Forms 1040 out as bills.

Who Will We Send All These Form 1040 Bills to? Who will pay the bills? The answer is obvious, when you think about it. It’s the way that it has always been under Republican “spend and spend” government.

The Bills Will Be Addressed To:
Taxpayer Joe, the Plumber

“Not to Worry,” Says Senator McCain. “Your Tax-Credit & Refund Check from Taxpayer Joe, the Plumber, will arrive as soon as this pesky little economic thing is over.”